From PSALM 149

Sing a New Song to the Lord
Not boring
Same ole Same
Dull
Routine
Ordinary
His Praise in the Assembly of the Saints
at church
home
school
work
wherever you are
Let Israel rejoice
Be Happy
Excited
Joyful
Glad
Effervescent
in their Maker
God
Creator
Originator
Jehovah
Let the people of Zion be glad in their King
The King
THE King
The KING
THE KING
Let them praise his name with Dancing
Dancing?
Dancing!
Ooooooooo
DANCING!
And make music to Him with Tamborines
Harps
Voice
Flute
Strings

FOR THE LORD TAKES DELIGHT in HIS PEOPLE!

It's been a LONG few weeks with my mom here. I love her dearly, but she absolutely can send me over the edge. But today, as I watched her in her goofy way attempt to go through the airport security, I wondered just what life would be like now that she is gone. Amidst her wierdness and quirky ways, she could always be counted on to be in constant prayer for me and my family. I knew that when I was feeling irritated or down that she in her motherly instinct was breathing a prayer to God for my peace and comfort. Now, I'm here and feeling a bit alone just because I know that its back to just my husband and daughter at home. I am trying desperately to not become bitter and resentful to my husband in his 'part-time'employment stage. I realize that GOD IS IN CONTROL and that He will ultimately place us exactly where He wants us. I realize that God has already blessed us beyond any expectation by placing us in the church we are now serving--even if only part-time as Interim. HOWEVER, and that is a BIG however--for the life of me, I am becoming SO resentful when I come home from working all day and he is and has been watching TV ALL DAY. I've about had it with STAR TREK, JAMES BOND, STAR WARS, WHILE YOU WERE OUT and TRADING SPACES! You'd think that at some point, he'd feel compelled to GET UP and do SOMETHING that might potentially make him MY James Bond of a husband by being Motivated...but its NOT happening.

Father, give me peace of mind and heart to trust your provision. Help me to know and believe that you will take care of every need we have. Please help T to become motivated in some way to do SOMETHING...whether around the house or in pursuit of a part-time job. You know that I've done the 'sole provide for' role and I don't care to do it again. Give him wisdom and give me understanding.

Right now, four days aproximately since my last blog, I continue to be in a tremendous rush with family still here (my mom--Now I remember why I have a nerve pill prescription!) The last few days have been a complete blur as we have shopped and cooked and even managed a game of UNO and the classic CHRISTMAS VACATION movie. All along, we've rushed and pushed and hurried and become frustrated, all with anticipation that it is almost Christmas. Now, Its really almost Christmas. I sit here waiting for the time to pass until its time for me to change clothes and head to church for the Christmas Eve service. It's been YEARS since we've participated in a service on Christmas Eve, and certainly a long time since we've done one at 10:45 PM! I will JAVA-TIZE myself en route and HOPE it kicks in.

I also talked to my brother this afternoon, the one with whom we generally spend Christmas. But this year it just wasn't right for some reason to make the trip to TX. Perhaps it is because of the attitudes that had occured last month with my sister in law or maybe it is just because God in his infinite wisdom knew we needed to be here and available for this precious church he has entrusted us to be a part of. No matter what, we are where we need to be right now and thankful for it!

I suppose my time is fading and its time to get ready to go...I think I should also mention that I am really struggling with keeping to my disciplined eating plan! I am craving sweets and bread based things and generally eating more than I'd EVER do normally. I will have to get serious by January 1--duh whats new!

Father, I pray for a wonderful day at church tomorrow. Be with Gary and keep him healthy. There's so much still left to do in his ministry this Christmas season. Keep everyone healthy in these days ahead. I can tell that mom is beginning to feel sick. Protect her and help her stay well! Thank you for a wonderful day today shopping.

It's too late to concentrate on writing, so I'll end with a promise to do more later.

I had written all of this earlier and got booted...@)%#)(*$%(*&#
I have NO IDEA if I can even remember what I wrote.

LIKE A BIRD


At times I fly against the wind
I struggle if I am headed north or south
My wings seem crippled and broken thin
Remind me when I start to fall
that YOU are Lord of all

The flowers have no care of color
The fields are replenished and always grow
All creation acknowledges your authority
Remind me when I feel small
that YOU are Lord of all

When I am fraile and can not fly
I will wait for you to swoop me up
You hold me with your strong hands
Remind me when I hit the wall
that YOU are Lord of all

Like a bird in need of Freedom
Free my soul from stress and worry
Laying in your nest of rest
Remind me daily as i recall
to see that YOU are Lord of all.

I am sooooooo behind!! I have had so much going on these last few days that I have had NO time to write...So...here's the brief synopsis.
Friday - Took off work-drove 200 miles in 2 and a half hours (woo hoo for the Z28) to play piano for my mom to sing for her former boss's Christmas party. (He flew her to NC from TX for the event!)
Saturday - Spent time w/ my dad doing a little Christmas shopping for kids. He looks so good after his cancer surgery! No one would ever suspect he'd been sick! The 200 mile drive back home that had zipped by on Friday became a drudgery! I stopped at a mall en route for Starbucks - drove 30 minutes for a parking place and then stood for nearly that long for the coffee!! I returned to the Freeway only to encounter TONS of traffic and rain!! I started to get sleepy so I pulled into a hotel parking lot to catch a 5 minute power nap. After about 2 minutes of 'almost there' sleep, a kid with his LOUD car stereo made me realize that 2 minutes was going to have to do me! I was anxious to get home because Tom and I were to be at a Sunday School party that evening. I also knew that he and the kids were doing a "WHILE YOU WERE OUT" event somewhere in my house! This was also our anniversary and I knew this was somehow connected. Tom and I ended up meeting in town and driving to the party without my going home, which apparantly was a GOOD thing! After the party we arrived home with a note on the door preparing me for what I was to find. ALOT of hard work that was a sign of love as a gift for our anniversary and Christmas and anything else that may be due for the next year!! My bedroom has been COMPLETELY renovated. It is BEAUTIFUL!! too much to even describe...but beautiful! The only bad part is that in the process of them taking up the carpet to expose the hardwood floors, they destroyed our waterbed. Tom had to make a quick deal with a furniture store owner who is an acquaintance. Bottom line is we ended up with a new bed but DEFINITELY not in line with our financial situation right now...but WE WILL CONTINUE TO TRUST GOD!!
SUNDAY - Our Church Christmas musical...we did it at 8:30 and 11:00 and BOTH were great. Went that afternoon to a "Living Christmas Tree" performance that was good, but somewhat over rated.
MONDAY - Clean up of all the STUFF that was moved from our room to another room began! Sorting through the keepers, the trashers and the Goodwill'ers was tedious!! ALL THIS WITH MY MOM COMING today (Tuesday!)
Soooooooooooo here I am...It's Tuesday and we'll go from here!

My prayer for today---
Father - please give me the patience to handle the multiple events that lay ahead of me over the next few weeks. Give me the ability to trust you completely for all the financial insecurities that I have. Provide for us in unexpected ways that will continue to assure us of your presence in this undesireable situation. Please bless Tom as he sings today and Friday for Christmas banquets for senior adults. Would you let their hearing aids be turned down low on the rough spots and give them the ability to encourage him no matter what. I also pray especially for Matt and the others at LIFEWAY in the TRAGIC loss of one of their employees. Please give them comfort and peace in this terrible event.

I was designed for praising you
To give you honor in all I do
To let your spirit shine in me
and your reflection that others see.
Cares and worries I have each day
Fall in your hands and fade away.
Water from your well I seek
supply me strength when I am weak.
Take this day as just one more
That you have opened as a door.
I wait in joy when I face a test
For then I'm sure you'll send your best.

I am STILL struggling with the Comment section that I can add on here...Maybe I will get it! In the meantime, I have a new email address... luvadeal@charter.net . Feel free to use it :-)

HEAVY RAIN

I am not a duck
I do not work for TOTES
I am not growing a garden
I do not have stock in Home Depot for Ark materials
I am not a Construction worker looking for a way to get out of work.

WHY, then, am I getting rained on so much??!?!?

The Hypnotist

You are getting sleepy
sleepy
sleepy

Your eyes are getting heavy
and heavier
and heavier

You are relaxed
relaxing
more relaxed

Focus
Concentrate
Breathe

Follow the cursor
Let your eyes go with the flow of the keys as they are stroked.
Imagine you are anywhere you want to be with the entry into an address bar

Dream
Rest
Recall and Remember

SLEEP

In an effort to be on the up and up...I have attempted to include a 'comments' section in this blog post. Whether it works is yet to be seen....I will look for the "0" to change to at least "1"...Who knows who may be seeing this. I suppose this is what Radio D.J.'s go through all the time...

...."Hello All you friends and neighbors in BlogLand. Place your hand on your Computer Monitor and feel compelled to send Money!"

HA!
Happy day to all you friends!

Does anyone actually read these?? I always wonder as I write. Not that it matters, but I am just curious. If you read this at some point, let me know that you do. (email is LUVADEAL@msn.com) I know that I read several Blogs off of Matt's Blog and I have been extremely impressed by some of the depth I see...It is interesting to see the perspectives and similarities that we go through being in different parts of the world. Makes Omnipresence a reality!

Keep Writing
Mantenga Escritura
Garder l'Ecriture
Kost Te Schrijven
Behalten Sie Zu Schreiben

In fear of having an empty Blog for another day...I will write...
Yesterday was extremely busy.
Christmas shopping
Traffic
Shopping
Traffic
People
Starbucks....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Peace at last!

Last nite we dressed in Black and white and headed to the Anderson College FCA Formal. How nice to see young college students all dressed up like their High School Prom. We served...or waited tables.......I couldn't believe how much food they DIDN'T eat. I wanted so badly to sneak something off their plates since I'd not eaten all day! But we waited our turn and ate when the students were finished eating.

Today was a great day at church. Tonite we had our evening of 'Dreaming' about what we want to see for our church now that we have completed 40 Days of Purpose. There were some off the wall responses that displayed an aspect of 'Nostalgia', proving that some boxed Christians were still managing to show up. On the other hand, there were those, specifically Owen Robertson who appeased the crowd by acknowledging that Nostalgia and a traditional Southern Baptist background lies within many of us. But he emphasized that Our goal is not to pacify and satisfy those already in church and so familiar with it, but to remember our focus--those outside of the walls.
GO OWEN!!

Don't receive God's grace in vain.
He hears us in HIS time.
He WILL help us
He IS helping.
Don't let me be a stumbling block that would discredit our ministry.
Help us be faithful and commendable in everything.
Trouble
Hardship
Misunderstandings
Bondage
Fighting
Sleepless nights
Hunger
Purity
Understanding
Patience
Kindness
Sincere Love
Truthful Speech

Glory and Dishonor
Bad report and good
Genuine and Imposter
Known and Unknown
Dying and Living
Beaten and Surviving
Sorrowful but rejoicing
Poor yet rich
Having nothing yet having all.

TEACH US TO OPEN WIDE OUR HEARTS
..............Based on I Cor. 6:1-13

Forgiveness is a wonderful thing.
It is a healing that enables assurance of reconciliation.
With forgiveness comes grace and mercy reminding us of an unworthy gift.
I long for forgetfulness to come with forgiveness. Not from the forgiver, or observers, but from myself.
Today, I have been especially haunted with reminders.
People
Names
Smells
Words
Songs
Let Forgetfulness follow forgiveness.

This morning I prayed between the snooze on the alarm
"Please, Please God, SHOW ME A SIGN"
Show me a sign that you are going to come through for us.
Show me a sign that you really are in control.
Show me a sign that my prayers have gone beyond the ceiling.
This morning God said to me "READ THIS"

When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you-a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant-then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD , who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 13 Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14 Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15 for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land. 16 Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah. 17 Be sure to keep the commands of the LORD your God and the stipulations and decrees he has given you. 18 Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers, 19 thrusting out all your enemies before you, as the LORD said.

I think I received a sign!

Don't Test
TRUST!

Yesterday came and went....just like so much of life.

ADVENT

Prepare
Prepare for what?
Prepare for His coming
Prepare for WHOSE coming?
The Messiah
The Savior
The King
The Wonderful Counselor
The Mighty God
The Prince of Peace
The Everlasting Father
But when?
He has and He will again
Says Who?
... GOD

Thanks God for letting me maintain a little sanity today. You know that normally I get so wigged out over the Christmas routine that I have to leave the house while everyone else decorates. But today I did OK and I thank you. Thank you that I could go out and shop a little before decorating. Thank you for letting me have great parking spaces, good deals on presents and peace at home. I appreciate your giving us wisdom about things to keep and things to throw out as we were decorating.

Maybe the reason for my anxiety comes from what the tree means and symbolizes and how the ornaments represent the fleeting of time in our lives...

...Our first ornament personalized 23 years ago on our Honeymoon.
...Baby's first Christmas ornaments that should now say "Young Man's 21st Christmas" and Beautiful daughters 17th Christmas.
...Rocking Horses for Jared
....Little Lambs for Rachel
....Years of school projects
....Music notes, shapes, instruments from those who think we MUST need ONE MORE.
...An Angel for Ashton who only saw 1 Christmas.
...A picture of a building that proved in issuing a degree that you really can GO BACK to school.
...Seminary
...Charleston
...Greenville
...Apples to remind us of Grandma who smiles from Heaven to us at Christmas.

Father, Let the memories remind me of the joys and happiness they represent. Don't let me allow them to pull me down at such an Exciting time of year.

"Tell me I did the right thing!" I said to my daughter! Of course, she thought I had messed something up or not done something I should have done. No, that wasn't the case. I simply had a dilemma that probably only happens at Christmas time. Any other time I could go shop for someone, find exactly what I need, but that would be too simple now! I left work today and headed straight for the shops (since I was sane enough to avoid the rush this morning) and not only did I find a great deal on things for Rachel, I saw the greatest deal on a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans - just my size 4! I tried them on and tried every possible means to convince myself that I needed to get them. I stayed strong, like an addict, like a gluton, I stayed strong. I found my way through the store, back to the rack and hesitantly hung them back. I hung them back trying to think of anyone I might could call who would be chomping at the bit to know what I wanted for Christmas. I couldn't think of anyone that would be as anxious as I was becoming. I left the store with the items that I'd gone to purchase originally and was reminded that I'd done the right thing. The cashier rang up the sale and I was with in .30 of what I'd brought to spend. I was absolved.

"Tell me I did the right thing!" I said to my daughter! Of course, she thought I had messed something up or not done something I should have done. No, that wasn't the case. I simply had a dilemma that probably only happens at Christmas time. Any other time I could go shop for someone, find exactly what I need, but that would be too simple now! I left work today and headed straight for the shops (since I was sane enough to avoid the rush this morning) and not only did I find a great deal on things for Rachel, I saw the greatest deal on a pair of Tommy Hilfiger jeans - just my size 4! I tried them on and tried every possible means to convince myself that I needed to get them. I stayed strong, like an addict, like a gluton, I stayed strong. I found my way through the store, back to the rack and hesitantly hung them back. I hung them back trying to think of anyone I might could call who would be chomping at the bit to know what I wanted for Christmas. I couldn't think of anyone that would be as anxious as I was becoming. I left the store with the items that I'd gone to purchase originally and was reminded that I'd done the right thing. The cashier rang up the sale and I was with in .30 of what I'd brought to spend. I was absolved.

If there ever was a Murphy's Law, why does it always attack me? I was so excited today to anticipate a FRIED TURKEY! Mmmmmmmmmmmm nothing quite like them. We have yet to purchase our own fryer, however that could change tomorrow if we are willing to stand in line with all the other lunatics! Our hungry stomachs were to be tamed by the maintaince man from work. He was going to Fry our turkey up with a few others he had to fry. My phone rang at 8:30 this morning to hear that the washers had broken at the Nursing Home and everyone was hustling to get clothes to the laundromat. Needless to say, in accordance with my Murphy's Law, I was stuck with my turkey==thawed and cold! I debated on letting 'The Colonol' come to our rescue but decided that I could do just as good as Charlie Brown and 'serve what I had'.

I was able to cook the bird and many sides as well, seemingly satisfying the family. Potatoes, both white and sweet, turned creamy and souffled. Green beans plain with nuts and one with onions. Macaroni baked with extra cheese. Pumpkin pie and pecan pie. All of it reminding them that mom had not totally become incapable of cooking! Everything became completely worthwhile upon hearing...
THANK YOU FOR COOKING TODAY, MOM!
'

If there ever was a Murphy's Law, why does it always attack me? I was so excited today to anticipate a FRIED TURKEY! Mmmmmmmmmmmm nothing quite like them. We have yet to purchase our own fryer, however that could change tomorrow if we are willing to stand in line with all the other lunatics! Our hungry stomachs were to be tamed by the maintenance man from work. He was going to Fry our turkey up with a few others he had to fry. My phone rang at 8:30 this morning to hear that the washers had broken at the Nursing Home and everyone was hustling to get clothes to the laundromat. Needless to say, in accordance with my Murphy's Law, I was stuck with my turkey==thawed and cold! I debated on letting 'The Colonol' come to our rescue but decided that I could do just as good as Charlie Brown and 'serve what I had'.

I was able to cook the bird and many sides as well, seemingly satisfying the family. Potatoes, both white and sweet, turned creamy and souffled. Green beans plain with nuts and one with onions. Macaroni baked with extra cheese. Pumpkin pie and pecan pie. All of it reminding them that mom had not totally become incapable of cooking! Everything became completely worthwhile upon hearing...
THANK YOU FOR COOKING TODAY, MOM!

I am so messed up on what day it is! We had church LAST nite for Thanksgiving and also giving those travelling or cooking a 'jump' on things. I, however, am not doing anything much out of the ordinary, so I am confused on my days! I generally think of my days according to 'did I go to church today?' 'do I go tomorrow?' or 'did I go yesterday?'. Well, because yesterday we went, I feel like today should be Thursday, not Wednesday. Anyhow, I had an interesting day at work trying to get things finalized before I go. The big event was a major water main break outside of our building. It flooded everything.

Father, forgive me for being so scattered and preoccupied with other things! I made the choice today to not have my quiet time this morning in order to dialogue with T about some issues at home. I felt that was necessary and I know that family is first and vital to you, so I hope that you will understand--somehow I know you do!

I am so messed up on what day it is! We had church LAST nite for Thanksgiving and also giving those travelling or cooking a 'jump' on things. I, however, am not doing anything much out of the ordinary, so I am confused on my days! I generally think of my days according to 'did I go to church today?' 'do I go tomorrow?' or 'did I go yesterday?'. Well, because yesterday we went, I feel like today should be Thursday, not Wednesday. Anyhow, I had an interesting day at work trying to get things finalized before I go. The big event was a major water main break outside of our building. It flooded everything.

Father, forgive me for being so scattered and preoccupied with other things! I made the choice today to not have my quiet time this morning in order to dialogue with T about some issues at home. I felt that was necessary and I know that family is first and vital to you, so I hope that you will understand--somehow I know you do!

IN REMEMBRANCE

There was at that time worshipers
followers
doubters
Curious
Strong-willed
Business men
One Betrayer
A loaf of bread
A chalice of wine

Today there were worshipers
followers
Excited
Curious
Anxious
Visitors
Members
men and women
Young and old
vanilla wafers, popcorn, cookies, pretzels and graham crackers
Sweet tea, 7-up, Lemonade and of course, Grape Juice

Both took what they had
prayed and gave thanks
and said
IN REMEMBRANCE

BLOG BLOCK

Yesterday was apparantly skipped due to a server problem with Blogger. Perhaps that is a good thing since it seems to have been uneventful. I am, of course, trying to recollect from 24 hours ago and that does not always prove to be a productive act. I will try to go back and add things as I remember them...on the other hand, this Blog may pick up with today!

Colorful Thanksgiving Service

Caucasian First Baptists anxious to share uniqueness
Mixed Missionary Baptists colorblind to tradition
Collared Lutherans with a feel good sermon
Confused Methodists with a written prayer
Loud Unexpected Amens - including at the end of the hymn
Creative offering - Stand and go to the baskets rather than baskets come to the pews

Today: A simple taste of heaven is seen as a community shares in its giving of thanks. We were thrilled to be invited graciously to come into the beautiful Church. Skin Color was dropped at the entranceway as each person was welcomed into ecumentical variety.

Heaven: A complex sampling of earth is experienced in fellowship of thanks. How thrilling to be invited in through grace and mercy. Skin Color is dropped at the entranceway as each is welcomed into ecumentical diversity.

GET OUT!

That was our Benediction! Not as a means of 'it's over' or we're finished...but a COMMAND...

Matt. 28:19 "GET OUT" and make disiciples.

What a finale, a challenge GET OUT. Our celebration service at the big expo center gave our church the incentive to take what we've learned- PURPOSEFULLY LEARNED-in the last 40 days and don't just sit on it, but GET OUT.

We had a huge breakfast buffet along with great music for excitement and ultimately to carry us toward God himself. Personally, I could get into this breakfast church!

My heart was full as I recalled 6 weeks ago as we initially arrived at this church thinking that God was in the process of sending us elsewhere...but now, after the completion of our 40 days, I KNOW that at least for today, we are where we are supposed to be at this moment.

My prayer is that God will let us stay (in a staff position)--but no matter what that he would continue to remind us daily that we are under HIS care and provision. What a safe place to be!

I talked to her today and it was as if there'd never been a problem. I think it's her PROZAC. I'm not sure if she's taking too much or not taking enough...but regardless, she called and also apologized. Of course, as always, being the nice person that I am, I forgave her. It always seems like I get crapped on, blow up, call everyone I think gives a rip and then I have to suck up and act like nothing ever happened.

Maybe its a rehearsal for some really major thing that will test my ability to tolerate and forgive...

Ooops....that has already happened with Tom's job!

TAKE THE HEAT
TURN THE TABLE
TRANSFORM THE HEART

I don't know what that means...but there it is.

Said the words and have a peace
Now I trust your great release
Waiting for response that's new
I know results must come from you

Guide me as I seek to grow
A willing heart your spirit show
In times where Hatred longs to rule
Let your Word remain my tool

Fighting battles that have no source
Keep me steady on your course
Draw me up from hurt that soars
Mend the wounds and heal the pores

You alone provide the way
to change the path of everyday
Even when I fail the race
Encouragement comes and with it, grace

Father, You know that right now, I am so frustrated. I can't begin to describe the emotions that I have right now. Work is like a zoo today and of course, I'm here by myself. Then to top it off, I get this unreal email from Susan and she starts to chew me out for not being a better daughter to mom. Help me to know how to respond back to her in a kind and loving way.

We had an awesome choir rehearsal tonite. We spent alot of time getting ready for Christmas. It is so incredible to be in a choir where people actually know something about music!! I have thought so many times in the past about people who go to school for music and if they go to church anywhere?!? Surely, there are some who do! Well we have done good this time! Several who actually hold music degrees or have in some way been trained! How exciting to have their talent at our disposal. I am also enjoying working with the children's choir! They are such a talented group of kids and its neat to feel they like me! The Music associate asked me tonite if I would help on teaching a signing part to two ladies. See, God, I asked you for some kind of encouragment and you have once again proven yourself Faithful. One of the men in the choir is on the personnel committee and he told Tom today that the pastor was wanting to talk to him. He said that they are for sure wanting to 'get the ball rolling'. Please God, let this be the opportunity we are longing for!

Everyone is Sooooo excited at church because this Sunday is our Celebration Sunday for the completion of 40 Days of Purpose! It is going to be so big! We're all gonna wear our 'IT'S NOT ABOUT ME' shirts. The event is going to be held at the BIG EXPO CENTER with breakfast, special music from THE AKINS (whoever they are), but it's gonna be BIG! I'm sure I'll talk more about it on Sunday.

I'm really tired--so I'm closing. I feel like this has been a pretty lame writing tonite. I need to do better tomorrow.

We had an awesome choir rehearsal tonite. We spent alot of time getting ready for Christmas. It is so incredible to be in a choir where people actually know something about music!! I have thought so many times in the past about people who go to school for music and if they go to church anywhere?!? Surely, there are some who do! Well we have done good this time! Several who actually hold music degrees or have in some way been trained! How exciting to have their talent at our disposal. I am also enjoying working with the children's choir! They are such a talented group of kids and its neat to feel they like me! The Music associate asked me tonite if I would help on teaching a signing part to two ladies. See, God, I asked you for some kind of encouragment and you have once again proven yourself Faithful. One of the men in the choir is on the personnel committee and he told Tom today that the pastor was wanting to talk to him. He said that they are for sure wanting to 'get the ball rolling'. Please God, let this be the opportunity we are longing for!

Everyone is Sooooo excited at church because this Sunday is our Celebration Sunday for the completion of 40 Days of Purpose! It is going to be so big! We're all gonna wear our 'IT'S NOT ABOUT ME' shirts. The event is going to be held at the BIG EXPO CENTER with breakfast, special music from THE AKINS (whoever they are), but it's gonna be BIG! I'm sure I'll talk more about it on Sunday.

I'm really tired--so I'm closing. I feel like this has been a pretty lame writing tonite. I need to do better tomorrow.

Christians like snowflakes are frail, but when they stick together they can stop traffic.
.... Vance Havner

Tonites reading in Purpose Driven Life was on Weakness. There were so many interesting concepts that I feel like were written just for me. God wants to use my weaknesses, all of them of which he is very well aware. He is trying to remind me that I need to depend on him in spite of my weaknesses. I hope that as my weaknesses are revealed that God will use them to encourage others.

....weaknesses
....lack of self-control
....talking more when I should listen more
....family commitment
....tolerance of others opinions
....trying to tell God how and when to respond to my needs

As you bring things to my mind, help me to remember that you already know about my weaknesses and that you want me use them to bring Glory to you.


I really enjoyed reading some Blogs on Matts page. What an encouragement to read Bills Blog!

Christians, like snowflakes, are frail, but when they stick together they can stop traffic.
.... Vance Havner

Tonites reading in Purpose Driven Life was on Weakness. There were so many interesting concepts that I feel like were written just for me. God wants to use my weaknesses, all of them of which he is very well aware. He is trying to remind me that I need to depend on him in spite of my weaknesses. I hope that as my weaknesses are revealed that God will use them to encourage others.

....weaknesses
....lack of self-control
....talking more when I should listen more
....family commitment
....tolerance of others opinions
....trying to tell God how and when to respond to my needs

As you bring things to my mind, help me to remember that you already know about my weaknesses and that you want me use them to bring Glory to you.


I really enjoyed reading some Blogs on Matts page. What an encouragement to read Bills Blog!

I suppose I'm writing this in the form of a prayer, God. I am so frazzled right now. I left my house for work almost exactly 6 hours ago talking to you and telling you all of my frustrations. I was anticipating how I would write all this down as soon as I got to work. Then I get to work and all hell breaks loose and I become the victim of trying to handle problems here.

I KNOW that I am PMS'ing right now and that is playing a big part in how I feel I am sure. Sometimes it is just hard for me to handle things with Tom's job situation right now. I know, I know you are aware of all of it and that in your perfect timing things will work out. But my inside turn flips when I hear advertisements on the radio for upcoming Christmas events. I realize that Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and excitment, but for me it is anxiety and distress over how we're going to make the 'secular' side of Christmas happen. Unfortunately, my kids are not the kind that you can say "now let's just get 3 gifts this year to be like the Wise Men"! They immediately want to know what version of the Bible I am using that specifically ONLY three. I can't help but get concerned when I think about the insurance that is supposed to 'end' as of December 31. I am managing to squeeze the remaining severance pay, and I know, God, that is because you are allowing little things to come through and pick up the slack. I am grateful, honest, even amidst all this griping. I am also struggling as you know with Tom being at home and seemingly doing nothing. I realize that HE thinks he is. Tom me, these are all things that are piddly and just 'busy work' to keep him from doing things that could help me. My instinct is deep resentment. It takes me back to our early days of marriage when you were trying to get his attention and keeping him laid off. Somehow it seemed easier to tolerate then, being a newlywed. Now, 23 years later it doesn't quite have the same effect. I accept that you are probably still teaching both of us things, but that doesn't make it any easier or more understood.

I have complained enough I'm sure. I expect that you are sitting on your Heavenly Throne propped up on your elbows nodding (since I know you never sleep) wondering when will I ever catch on. Thank you for just giving me this moment to be honest and vent. Help me today to get a glimpse of you at work in our life.

I suppose I'm writing this in the form of a prayer, God. I am so frazzled right now. I left my house for work almost exactly 6 hours ago talking to you and telling you all of my frustrations. I was anticipating how I would write all this down as soon as I got to work. Then I get to work and all hell breaks loose and I become the victim of trying to handle problems here.

I KNOW that I am PMS'ing right now and that is playing a big part in how I feel I am sure. Sometimes it is just hard for me to handle things with Tom's job situation right now. I know, I know you are aware of all of it and that in your perfect timing things will work out. But my insides turn flips when I hear advertisements on the radio for upcoming Christmas events. I realize that Christmas is supposed to be a time of joy and excitment, but for me it is anxiety and distress over how we're going to make the 'secular' side of Christmas happen. Unfortunately, my kids are not the kind that you can say "now let's just get 3 gifts this year to be like the Wise Men"! They immediately want to know what version of the Bible I am using that specify ONLY three. I can't help but get concerned when I think about the insurance that is supposed to 'end' as of December 31. I am managing to squeeze the remaining severance pay, and I know, God, that is because you are allowing little things to come through and pick up the slack. I am grateful, honest, even amidst all this griping. I am also struggling as you know with Tom being at home and seemingly doing nothing. I realize that HE thinks he is. To me, these are all things that are piddly and just 'busy work' to keep him from doing things that could help me. My instinct is deep resentment. It takes me back to our early days of marriage when you were trying to get his attention and keeping him laid off. Somehow it seemed easier to tolerate then, being a newlywed. Now, 23 years later it doesn't quite have the same effect. I accept that you are probably still teaching both of us things, but that doesn't make it any easier or more understood.

I have complained enough I'm sure. I expect that you are sitting on your Heavenly Throne propped up on your elbows nodding (since I know you never sleep) wondering when will I ever catch on. Thank you for just giving me this moment to be honest and vent. Help me today to get a glimpse of you at work in our life.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
I do not understand why I continue to type in this BLOG, journal and it often repeats the same blog over and over. Perhaps that is because I am doing something wrong or because I need an extra emphasis of that Blog in my life.

I do not understand why we can continue to work at a church that loves us and that we love equally and yet they don't call us to stay there. Perhaps it is because God is trying to teach us something.

I do not understand why it is that I can be an evil mom to my child at one point and then her best friend the next. Perhaps it is because she is 17 (going on 21)

I do not understand why it is that my husband and I can walk into the same house and he continue to step over things that I think are in obvious need of being moved. Perhaps it is because it is because his mind is focused beyond the obvious.

I do not understand why the son of a friend can go to drug detox and be told that he can leave whenever he chooses - clean or not. Perhaps it is because society doesn't want the responsibility of helping him see that his need goes beyond an oxycontin bottle.

I do not understand why God would be so merciful and forgiving to me when at times I am downright unloveable and not worthy of being called His child, much less a forgiven child. Perhaps THAT is why He is God.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND
I do not understand why I continue to type in this BLOG, journal and it often repeats the same blog over and over. Perhaps that is because I am doing something wrong or because I need an extra emphasis of that Blog in my life.

I do not understand why we can continue to work at a church that loves us and that we love equally and yet they don't call us to stay there. Perhaps it is because God is trying to teach us something.

I do not understand why it is that I can be an evil mom to my child at one point and then her best friend the next. Perhaps it is because she is 17 (going on 21)

I do not understand why it is that my husband and I can walk into the same house and he continue to step over things that I think are in obvious need of being moved. Perhaps it is because it is because his mind is focused beyond the obvious.

I do not understand why the son of a friend can go to drug detox and be told that he can leave whenever he chooses - clean or not. Perhaps it is because society doesn't want the responsibility of helping him see that his need goes beyond an oxycontin bottle.

I do not understand why God would be so merciful and forgiving to me when at times I am downright unloveable and not worthy of being called His child, much less a forgiven child. Perhaps THAT is why He is God.

Wrote this to submit to LET'S WORSHIP

It's seems like Christmas is so full of excitement. Halloween is barely over and there already begins hustle and bustle everywhere. Trees and lights are being put up so soon that we sometimes wonder why we even bother to take them down year after year. One of the highlights of Christmas is always Christmas Songs and Carols. Are we so busy that we forget to remember what the season really is about?

....And now, on sale...the greatest and best hits of Christmas...especially packaged and designed for your BUSY Holiday lifestyle. Guaranteed to help you continue to be too busy to "Keep Christ in Christmas" or to remember the "reason for the season". And that good Christmas slogan of "Wise Men Still seek Him" will fit right in as long as you are seeking at the mall. Call now and order your copy for hits like these.
...Of the Father's Love Forgotten
...It came upon a Moonlight Madness Night Clear
...Angels from the wrecks of Glory
...Hark! The Herrod Department Store Sale
...While Shepherds Watched their Clocks
...This is What Child?
....I wander and I wander all over the mall
....O Little Town of Outlet World
....How Great our Deal!
....I heard the doorbell on Christmas Day
....Away went the Manager

Just a sample of the many great songs you'll hear just to remind you of how busy you really are... To get your copy, call now.. 1-800-TOO BUSY

I Forgot that church could be so exciting and enjoyable!

Thank you Father for a WONDERFUL day at church. Thank you that Chase and Jake could help Tom do pre-service music. Chase is so much like one of ours and I'm so thankful that he loves Rachel as he does. Thank you that they are coming with us to church right now. YOU KNOW how easy it could've been for them to become bitter over what happened to us at church. Keep their hearts open to see you and to realize that they are not to place their faith in a church body, but in YOU!

Thank you also for the priviledge of something as simple as being invited to go eat lunch with friends from church--minstry staff friends! That concept of fellowshipping with staff as friends is so foreign to us, and yet we are so welcomed by that!!

I pray Father that if there is any way, that it could be in your will, would you let the church call us to be there permanantly?? You know our hearts desire, and we just pray that this could be possible! You know our financial situation right now and we leave it in your hands....

I release my hands and
my checkbook
my bank account
my clothes
my car
Rachel's school expenses
and anything else that passes through my hands into your hands!

I spent lots of time in the car today to get to my dad's. After having had cancer surgery a week ago, he looked great and was able to get around quite well. It was somewhat difficult to see him and know that his body contains deadly cells that have already taken my mother in law from me. I feel alot of resentment for those cells!

Rachel noticed that daddy was more tender-hearted and more emotional than usual. Daddy has always been my hero, 'Mr. Macho'. Mr. Karate, Mr. Pilot, Mr. Do it all. But as he hugged his only grandaugher goodbye, I saw a different side of him. He broke into tears and told her he didn't know what to say. What could he say? Nothing was necessary. All the love he could show was seen as he clinched his manly arms around her tiny body. Tears filled my eyes too!

After seeing him, we rode down the mountain and stopped at my grandfather's house. We entered the small trailor with its heat set for the elderly couple - HOT! As usual for the last three years, my grandfather lay on the bed. His young, spry, quick-whitted mind is trapped in a 95 year old body. That tired, weak body would love nothing more than the opportunity to plant a seed of corn, pick a tomato, not to mention to just taste a bite of food by mouth rather than a feeding tube. He had his typical tricks and puzzles to share and a great joke about a man who loved beautiful music. (He knows Tom is a musician). He told us that the man couldn't decide which woman to marry. He loved them both but one was 'ugly as sin' with a horrible voice and the other was beautiful but couldn't sing. He decided to choose the one with the beautiful voice. After their first night together, he awoke to find her more ugly than he'd even known her to have been. Her hair all frazzled and looking so bad, he looked at her and said "For God's sake woman-SING!" HA! That's my grandfather. Full of a fun joke yet just laying there. We only stayed about 15 minutes. Not long for someone who just waits day after day for a visitor. When we left, Rachel asked me, "Do you think your daddy will ever be like that?" My heart sank as I prayed silently..."Please God, spare us all from that."

They sang their hearts out in German to an English hearing crowd.
Yawns overcame the performance hall, and it became apparant
that someone was missing it.
Bach scores were raised high and the conductor's baton commanded each note to perfection.
But still, someone was missing it.
The voices blended in excellence. Each sound complemented with the strike of a bow to a string and air to a reed.
But still, someone was missing it.
In all its beauty and elegance, the meaning was lost.

With hymns and choruses they stood and sang their hearts out,
Yet somehow, they were missing it.
The Contemporary words were read with eloquence and excitement,
Yet somehow, they were missing it.
Pictures and video choregraphed on screen, gave visual life to all that was seen. There was applause and the resounds of strings, cymbals and drums.
Yet somehow, they were still missing it.

Something magnificent was to be experienced in both places.
It was not about the Presentation or the Presentor.
It wasn't about language or litergies.
It wasn't about impressive harmonies or interpretive hymnodies.
But somehow they missed it.

They sang their hearts out in German to an English hearing crowd.
Yawns overcame the performance hall, and it became apparant
that someone was missing it.
Bach scores were raised high and the conductor's baton commanded each note to perfection.
But still, someone was missing it.
The voices blended in excellence. Each sound complimented with the strike of a bow to a string and air to a reed.
But still, someone was missing it.
In all its beauty and elegance, the meaning was lost.

With hymns and choruses they stood and sang their hearts out,
Yet somehow, they were missing it.
The Contemporary words were read with eloquence and excitement,
Yet somehow, they were missing it.
Pictures and video choregraphed on screen, gave visual life to all that was seen. There was applause and the resounds of strings, cymbals and drums.
Yet somehow, they were still missing it.

Something magnificent was to be experienced in both places.
It was not about the Presentation or the Presentor.
It wasn't about language or litergies.
It wasn't about impressive harmonies or interpretive hymnodies.
But somehow they missed it.

Where Does Time Go??

Tonite was the Anderson College Choir Concert. We went to watch Jared sing. What happened to my first born child? We used to go to 'school programs' this time of year that consisted of plays and songs about Pilgrams, Turkeys. We smiled and laughed at how our child was the cutest of all. Now he's singing Latin and German in a Tuxedo. He's no longer a child but a man.

We found by accident, TODAY, in fact, a newspaper clipping from his first grade Christmas play. Why today? Why did all of this happen today of all days. And to top off the day is the bittersweet receipt of Rachel's long awaited acceptance letter to college.

I fear our nest is emptying!

TGIF! A new day and daddy will leave the hospital today. I pray that his 2 hour ride to his brother's house will be OK for him. We will all go to see him for a little while tomorrow. Needless to say, the time to get there is longer than the time we'll spend there, but at least we wll see him. I am some what concerned about his thoughts on the chemo. At first I didn't want him to go through that, but after talking to some others who have experienced this, including remembrances of my mother in law, I can't help but think it may be a good thing. I realize it is not a pleasant experience, but if it will reduce the chances of it reoccuring in a different location, perhaps it is a good thing. I told him last night that I will support his decision on this and trust that he will do what he and the Dr. feels is best.

THANK YOU Father for taking care of my Daddy! Help me remember you are my ultimate Daddy and that it is by your example that I know the definition of what it really means to be a 'Daddy's Girl'.

My struggle with the new hair do is a little better today...several compliments between yesterday and today...good encouragement.... overcomes Rachel's initial response... "mom it looks like a Christmas Tree!...you could hang ornaments on it"
Well, good thing for some positive response! Go rock around THAT Christmas Tree, Miss Rachel! ha! Mama loves you anyway!

I read earlier tonite in Purpose Driven Life about Servanthood...What a concept - SERVE
My thoughts:

Self goes to the sideline
Trade the best for less
Find a place where others turn
Commit to grow and learn
Faithful to the humble task
Act before you're asked.
SERVE

GREAT QUOTE:

Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you.
....Aldous Huxley.

What you are is God's gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God.
...Danish proverb

I can't believe I just have been typing for an hour and pushed the wrong button...lost it all...what is to be said for that.

A child on drugs
A son in the War
A mom on chemo
A dad with cancer
A husband with no job
An unmarried mother
An abusive spouse
A mother with Alzheimers
A wandering man
A home with no heat
A rebellious daughter
A car needing repairs

Sometimes I think my life is so bad and full of problems. It is then that God allows my eyes to open up and see the needs of others around me. There are no problems too big and no hurt too deep that can not be met by our Father, the Great healer, the Prominent Provider, the merciful Forgiver, the loving Encourager and the Sovreign Almighty Creator of the Universe. Focus my needs to those of others. Let me be reminded that God will use each pain and fear that I have to teach me dependance on Him.

I was so aggrevated last night to find out that the daughter of our elderly neighbor had come to the house to complain about the Toilet Paper in her yard. Tom tried to explain to her that we were not happy ourselves with having had 4 college kids paint a drapery of 200 rolls of Dormitory bathroom Sandpaper across the trees and yard. After 4 weeks of wind and rain as well as raking and bagging, we could still wipe the entire community for months. Needless to say, once the neighbor left, the Crap hit the fan and we needed all the toilet paper we could grab. Why is it that people show up for unwelcomed neighborly chats just as we're headed to church? Of course, her perspective of 'church' changed when she heard about the recent 'termination' for Tom. Maybe her view of that church will go with the rest of her request...DOWN THE TOILET.

A child on drugs
A son in the War
A mom on chemo
A dad with cancer
A husband with no job
An unmarried mother
An abusive spouse
A mother with Alzheimers
A wandering man
A home with no heat
A rebellious daughter
A car needing repairs

Sometimes I think my life is so bad and full of problems. It is then that God allows my eyes to open up and see the needs of others around me. There are no problems too big and no hurt too deep that can not be met by our Father, the Great healer, the Prominent Provider, the merciful Forgiver, the loving Encourager and the Sovreign Almighty Creator of the Universe. Focus my needs to those of others. Let me be reminded that God will use each pain and fear that I have to teach me dependance on Him.

My heart is breaking for the young girl here who has just found out she is pregnant. She is 18 and unmarried and comes from such a sad homelife. She has had Jesus shared with her, and says she has changed, but I suppose some things are just hard to overcome. I will pray that she decides to commit herself and her baby to God and try to end this generational cycle that is now playing itself out in her.

I also am feeling a little better today after starting some antibiotics...Although I had a severe wave of nausea hit me a few minutes ago. I think that was a combination of meds on an empty stomach and some horrid perfume an employee was wearing! EEEEEEEk!

I feel a bit guilty right now because I didn't get up in time to have my quiet time. I just felt like I needed that extra few minutes of sleep since I've felt so bad the last few days. I just read Psalm 72 (my 'scheduled' Psalm for the day) and this really stood out to me..

12
He will rescue the poor when they cry to him; --RIGHT NOW GOD, YOU KNOW I FEEL PRETTY POOR...NOT IN SPIRIT, BUT IN THE BANK.
he will help the oppressed, who have no one to defend them. -- THANK YOU FOR BEING MY DEFENDER AND DELIVER!
13
He feels pity for the weak and the needy,
and he will rescue them.--I KNOW THAT WITHOUT YOU I AM WEAK AND VERY NEEDY...HELP ME TO LEARN HOW TO DEPEND ON YOU TO RESCUE ME!
14
He will save them from oppression and from violence,
for their lives are precious to him.--WE ARE PRECIOUS IN YOUR SIGHT..YES, JESUS LOVES ME, YES, JESUS LOVES ME..FOR THE BIBLE, YOUR WORD TELLS ME SO...

[ Tue Nov 11, 12:51:03 PM | Diane Barden | edit ]
This car junk is for the birds! I just talked to Tom and the van is doing something really wierd.
Father, provider, you KNOW that right now, we do not have the resources to have car trouble. Help me to remember somehow that you ARE my provider!---
--That even includes things like van repairs
--graduation expenses
--all of those things that are just UNEXPECTED
Is it wrong to paraphrase Matt 6??

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about
your life,
what you will eat or drink;
OR DRIVE
or about your body, what you will wear.

Is not life more important than food,
or CARS
and the body more important than clothes?

26Look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or HOW THEY FLY
store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father LETS THEM FLY
feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

27Who of you by worrying ABOUT CAR PROBLEMS can add a single hour to his life[2] ?

28"And why do you worry about clothes?
OR CARS
OR JOBS
OR MONEY

33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

HELP ME, Lord to seek you first, to strive to be righteous and most of all try to force myself to remember that worrying will not get me anywhere!
Let Tom get home OK with the car and maybe let it be an 'easy fix.'

thanks!

No, No, I do not feel any better...Oh, you didn't ask?? Ha! Well, I felt for certain that someone was asking! I feel like a bass singer in a Southern Gospel Quartet. Even Rachel thought I'd let a stranger in the house when I tried to wake her up today. Actually, its funny when I answer the phone here at work, I sound like a "976-BABE" employee! Maybe I'll just wigout some of the people calling here to get Nursing Home information but speaking in a low sultry voice...I'll bet that would enhance our atmosphere! ha! yeah right! oh well, I'm in such a 'blurr' right now that I'm trying to do whatever I need to do to get my energy level up.

Tom had a good rehearsal last nite and will be home LATE tonite after their Experiencing God concert. He'll pretty much be in Columbia all day trying to keep himself busy until tonite.

I hate this cold
I feel in a fog
My head is swimming
Do I need more meds
Or do I need less
Whatever it is I wish I would know
Maybe its coffee! Here I go!

No, No, I do not feel any better...Oh, you didn't ask?? Ha! Well, I felt for certain that someone was asking! I feel like a bass singer in a Southern Gospel Quartet. Even Rachel thought I'd let a stranger in the house when I tried to wake her up today. Actually, its funny when I answer the phone here at work, I sound like a "976-BABE" employee! Maybe I'll just wigout some of the people calling here to get Nursing Home information but speaking in a low sultry voice...I'll bet that would enhance our atmosphere! ha! yeah right! oh well, I'm in such a 'blurr' right now that I'm trying to do whatever I need to do to get my energy level up.

Tom had a good rehearsal last nite and will be home LATE tonite after their Experiencing God concert. He'll pretty much be in Columbia all day trying to keep himself busy until tonite.

I hate this cold
I feel in a fog
My head is swimming
Do I need more meds
Or do I need less
Whatever it is I wish I would know
Maybe its coffee! Here I go!

[ Mon Nov 10, 09:38:51 AM | Diane Barden | edit ]
feel like I've caught a cold or the crud! I am trying to keep myself together and stay out of a FOG!! Tom left for the SC Baptist Convention today. I am really praying that doors will start to open for him/us.

Father God
Help me trust you even when my instincts want to question. I know completely that I can depend on the faithfulness of your Word, but I have to admit, that sometimes when I see the numbers going down in the checking account that I get a little concerned. I know that you are the one who enables there to even be any numbers there at all, but I catch myself thinking that you don't realize how fast they are going down. And yes, I am slapping myself now, saying "hello, come back to earth--you KNOW that He's fully aware of what's happening and the time factors that are involved." I know that you have allowed this to happen to us so that we can see you work in a phenomenal way in our life and I know it is nothing new to you. I'm just a little overwhelmed when I think of Christmas and gifts and all the expectations that are always a problem.

Help me God to just let you be in control and let me stay out of it!...

To...

Worship You
Trust You
See You
Believe You
Hear You
Feel You
Know You
Experience You

At the point of all of this to see your face!

This is a really cool sight that I think I will enjoy. I am thankful for Matt Tullos sharing this with me and others at the Creative Arts Festival. I think that I will enjoy using this because my biggest fear in journalling has been that people who live with me or know me on a day to day basis will read things about me and be totally shocked. I realize that if we are truly honest and if we truly care about people we shouldn't hold junk over eachothers heads. But...we are human aren't we...so perhaps anyone who reads this website will not judge me on the basis of what is read, but will acknowledge me as normal!

This is a test to see if I can do this.