I am so frustrated that I can hardly be coherent. I have grown to have no tolerance for those who are Christian people and blatantly do things that according to scripture are sins. I talked with a person today who I know is involved in some things that are SO against God. These issues are things that would put this person right at home in Utah with polygamy. When I questioned them on their acknowledgement of this being sin and against God. The response I received was "Look at David in the Bible, a man after God's own heart and yet look at the harem he had!" I thought, "What a bunch of bull crap!" I was flabbergasted at such a stupid response from someone who is supposed to be a committed Christian. After much discussion, I concluded and conveyed that God would not tolerate sin and that as much as I did not want God to bring harm to this person, if that's what it takes to bring repentance then so be it. I hate to pray like that, but I want so much for God to work in this persons life so I will pray that God will do whatever it takes to bring him to his knees. I will also pray that God will put a hedge of protection around his family and spare them from going through any painful experiences that are not necessary. Somehow, I pray that everywhere he turns that he will see God's hand at work and that he will KNOW that God has a ZERO TOLERANCE policy in this area. There is NO GRAY!

Today was exciting as I opened an envelope from LIFEWAY...It was my FIRST check from them for a piece that I wrote! WOW! How exciting...Of course, I am having the LEFT BRAIN/RIGHT BRAIN Battle! My right brain is spewing out "ALLRIGHT, way to go! Keep it up, Write Write Write!"...but of course, my left brain is thinking "Let's think about this, you may need to hold off on cashing this, they may decide that they want it back after they re-read it." What a struggle...I suppose it always will be...
BATTLE ON!

How is it that it can be 31 degrees and snowing today and in two days it will be 63 degrees?? I really like snow--especially when I'm inside looking at it fall. I remember the days probably 15 years ago when we were in Seminary and it snowed alot! I passed a golf course today and remembered the fun times we would have sledding down the big hill at the Seminary course. The hill was at the 9th hole (I think) and it was virtually a ski slop! We even had a friend who was from Austria and she and her husband were known to take their skis to the "HILL/SLOPE" Our family, on the other hand, being typical seminary students would take our children who were 6 and 2 and slide to our hearts content. We didn't have money to have a real sled, so we used anything we could find...pieces of plastic, clothes baskets and even once we went down on the hood of a car! Funny, how you just make do!
BRING ON THE SNOW!

There is a movie being filmed
I have been cast as the lead actor
I question whether I can give what is expected of the part
Why was I offered this part?
I heard it was because the Director knew about me and that he knew the desire of my heart. He knew my desire was to do something that would make a difference for me and for others. The desire to have some kind of impact on future. I have been challenged, as all actors, to know the role, to read and learn all that is available to me. Do I have the ability to be seen like this person. Will people look at my portrayal and no longer see me, but see the one I am portraying? Will they have a desire to want to know and learn more about this person I portray based on what I demonstrate in this movie? Will they see my representation as flawed or flawless? The title of this movie, you ask? MY LIFE AS A CHRIST FOLLOWER

"It (the making of THE PASSION) forced me into the arms of God. That's the only place I could go. That's when God's voice came to me. 'Hey, don't you worry about it. Let me take care of it, and will you allow me to use you to play?' And that's when I just said, 'All right, I'm going to let you perform, and I'm going to step out of the way.'

"That was the key to this film. I didn't want people to see me. I just wanted them to see the Christ."

....Jim Caviezel

For some reason, I've felt once again on a Blog Blah - Then I read this! WOW! is This not an amazing quote. Based on his quote, we are ALL called to be portrayed as an actor.

I haven't written over the last few days. Its been a busy weekend as usual. Basically doing the same old same old - grocery store, house cleaning etc.

Today we had a wonderful day at church as we shared in a tribute to our Children's Weekday Education program from church. It was really neat to hear our "FEMALE" children's minister preach the sermon. I am sure that there are a few folks still around who live in their little closed boxes and think that what she did was "TALK". Too many people would like to think that God is not capable of placing his hand or gifts on a female. We, however, don't believe that is true!

This afternoon we went to Inman SC, about 45 miles from here and saw Christine Anderson Voices in Bronze: Home Christine is a dear friend and we just don't get to see her often enough. She said some phenomenal things as she shared in her concert. Things along the line of 'don't question God when He puts you in situations that you think are not good. Take the opportunity to look at those experiences along with other ones and find "AHA" moments. That's kind of a paraphrase but that's the general idea.

So Amazed...

I've sat here all evening watching highlights of the news media in discussion of THE PASSION of the Christ. This is so bizarre. I can not believe that I am watching people who are so astonished at events about Jesus! To me, these are elements that are the foundation of my faith. A part of me is thinking "DUH, HELLO, I've known of this and believed it since I was in infant." And yet, there is a part of me that is so excited that they are finally catching on. It also is very intriguing to me. It forces me to see that there is so much more than just Sunday School stories that I've heard. THIS IS JESUS...My Lord, the one who gave his very life for me!! It makes me feel so unworthy. This should be a phenomenal event for the entire world.

I'm also amazed to see the events that surround this. For example, the actor playing Jesus whose initials were "J.C." and that he too was 33 years old. Also, to hear of the story of how lightening struck him. I praise God for this opportunity and pray that many will see JESUS and who he is to us!

Let's all report after we've actually seen it!

SECRET SINS

Secret Sins are hidden well
Never share and never tell
You think that no one knows your life
But covered pain hurts like a knife

We fiercely pray to see God's hand
And long to try and understand
Deep inside we want whats right
Reveal the sin, exposed in light

A repentant heart is what we need
To hear God's voice and let Him lead
Cleanse my soul and help me change
My private life to rearrange

Just as David Prayed for power
Guide me daily, hour by hour
Reveal my lies, take off the mask
Accountable to you in every task

Relief

Breath of Fresh Air

Whew!

Out in the open

YES!

Finally!

Just hear me out.

Let me explain.

Cheaper

Closer

Cheaper

Did I say 'less money'

Stay out of debt



Rachel finally told her daddy that she wanted to go to Technical College rather than Charleston Southern.

"It's OK! Sounds like you've thought it through and you are using wisdom" Her daddy responded.

A LOAD is off!


I pray God that you would continue to guide her. Give her wisdom as to the right choice for school. She is using her head and I am thankful. Honor her desires and make her way clear....

By the way, that could still apply to us, remember. We ARE still needing a church. Please, God, let us be the abnormal, the out of the ordinary, the 'Interim' that is called from Interim into full-time. Someone told us to 'not put all our eggs in one basket' - meaning to not get so tied in to the church where we're serving that we forget to put resumes out. Father, you KNOW how hard it is for me to think about going somewhere else because of the joys and healing that we have felt at FBCM. (www.firstbaptistmauldin.org) Continue to use them to grow us and heal us and if it is your will - PLEASE LET US STAY! Provide for us in between and let us see you at work in a unique and remarkable way.

You are awesome, Holy and Spectacular.
Your mighty, Strong right hand is capable and completely willing to meet every need.

I can not describe how upset I am right now! I just, once again, LOST EVERYTHING!! I had been writing and writing and felt like I had a GREAT BLOG...then PRIMETIME came on. I have been completely enthronged with the interview with Mel Gibson. How incredible to see someone as famous as he to give such an amazing testimony of God's love and forgiveness. I am anxious to see this movie and to see the impact it has throughout America!

I suppose in light of how moved I have been from this testimony, the whining Blog I lost will fade and return if it is meant to be heard.

Tonight was an exciting night as we were able to lay hands on three women and one man who were accepting their call to the Deacon Family Ministry. It was exciting because of the opportunity for us to see women invited to be a part of a ministry that is completely centered around SERVANTHOOD. It was clearly stated that this was NOT a "BOARD" of Deacons or Trustees, nor was it to be considered a position of elevation or power. The position was solely for the purpose of serving the families within the church body. What an incredible concept! The other exciting part of this was that the entire church was invited to come and pray for these people. What an encouragement! In 10 years at our other church, Tom was denied the opportunity to pray for the deacons at their ordination because he, himself, was not ordained. What IS ordaination anyhow?? I mean, I understand the definition, but what purpose is it in actuality? Does it make a person more capable of fulfilling the calling on their life? Does it make them have a closer connection to God? I don't think so. I believe, as does Tom, that ordination is simply 'Man's acknowledgement of what God has already called you to do" Hence, do we not all wish to be ordained?

She raised her fists toward Heaven and cried out "Yes, God, Yes, I AM angry!. It's time we have a serious discussion. I realize that you are in control of everything, but I have done exactly what you've asked and yet, here I am, still desperate to have a word from you. I have taken the seeds and I have planted them and I have watered them and NOW, my basket is sitting here ready for you to overflow it. I am ready to see your Harvest come to pass in my life." She knew that God was very well aware of her frustration, confusion and dissapointment. She knew that God would answer her when HE was ready, but she was pleased that she could be honest before God. She knew that God would gently place his hand on her and remind her that it is THAT hand that holds all of her future.

This was said at dinner last night by one of our new friends from church. At the moment she said this, I immediately KNEW why I was there. It wasn't just for dinner, nor just for the fellowship of friends. I was there to be reminded that God is in control of the Harvest and every other area of my life..even to reveal himself through others, even in times of fellowship. How neat... eat dinner iand hear a word from God

Just a note to tell anyone who reads this that last nite was phenomenal. I had won tickets to see Rod Stewart in Concert! He was AWESOME...I just hope I can look as good as he does at 57~!-- Sorry for the 'non=spiritual' side of this blog!!

Psalm 41


For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 Blessed is he who has regard for the weak;
the LORD delivers him in times of trouble.
2 The LORD will protect him and preserve his life;
he will bless him in the land
and not surrender him to the desire of his foes.
3 The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed
and restore him from his bed of illness.

This was so encouraging to me this morning...to be reminded that God truly cares about every area of my life. I hope that I will be reminded of that today as I continue to face the battles already set before me. The battle began today in realizing that the bank took out a payment twice. I am praying for the ability to squelch my desire to phone them and let them discover how things taste after having been chewed up and spit back out. But of course, after my devotion this morning from JOURNEY which was entitled 'WALK THE TALK', somehow I felt there was a practical application being hurled my way. My second battle came as I used up valuable cell phone minutes en route to my office as I tried to talk my husband through the 'Home Study Class' - "HOW TO TRANSFER MONEY ON INTERNET BANKING"!! OBVIOUSLY, I am NOT called to be a teacher, much less to those who have no interest in being taught. Yet once again, I am compelled to stick to our Financial Peace guns and 'learn him the ropes' on this here money crap! I continue, day after day, to remind myself that there will be peace...my mantra is quickly becoming
Where is the Peace?
Someone says there's Peace
There will be Peace
There must be Peace
I long for the Peace and will continue to give it my 90 days of attempt.

To whom it may concern...that sounds interesting...maybe it should say "Dear John"....none the less...to whomever may read this blog. PLEASE say a special prayer for me today. I am experiencing some MAJOR depression and defeat. I KNOW that I should be able to overcome all this, but it has hit and is hitting with a vengence. Basically, I am being defeated because #1, last night, the church discussed the position that Tom has been holding as interim. Somehow, I just felt like they would all come together and say "No need for a committee, forget the constitution and bi-laws, forget the typical Baptist 'polity' and LET'S JUST KEEP WHO WE HAVE!"...Unfortunately, that IS NOT what they said. Amidst lots of appreciation and gratitude, it was STILL acknowledged that their 'nationwide' search would be conducted and that they would pursue candidates after having place ads in various places and then interviews, etc. etc. YADA YADA...same ole Baptist procedures. A part of me respects that, but then the side of me that has to pay bills resents it. And speaking of bills, that leads me to the other area of depression. We have started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University as I alluded to in an earlier blog. This is soooooo exciting until I really stop and think about what 'putting together a budget' really requires. Two things primarily...MONEY and DISCIPLINE....NEITHER of which I feel I have enough to successfully pull this off. I KNOW and realize especially after hearing all of the discussion in class, that THIS IS POSSIBLE...but what a major wake up call to reality. Well, now its time for reality...WORK...soooooooo again, whoever may read this, please pray for me!

I worked ALL DAY - literally from 9AM until 8PM on our taxes! What a mess. I began to panic in fear that we would have to pay--and since Tom had income for three months from FBC Mauldin with no taxes, that was good. Also, since I took out some of my 401(k) - we could've easily owed. It is all so overwhelming to me...but at least we get a little back.

We got a phone call while we were working on it from the pastor at FBCM, wanting to update Tom on the situation with the personnel committee. He re-iterated that the committee was going to be doing a nationwide search and that if Tom wants to put his name in the pot, he can. He told him that his being interim was not necessarily giving him the 'leg up'. This was so discouraging and depressing to me. My heart has been so anxious for the committee to just decide that WE were what they need and to just forget the search...but, that apparantly isn't the situation. I just pray that God will give me the ability to continue to wait and trust him.
We also worked on our "simple budget" for our Financial Peace Homework. That was so depressing and Tom actually got upset, which was exactly what I feared. I just pray that as we go thru this class that we would both begin to become honest about our lack of ability to manage our budget.
Father God, please help us in our pursuit of financial freedom. We desire to be out of debt, and KNOW that we are not capable on our own. I also pray, God that you would help me to trust you and leave Tom's job situation in your hands as well.

My heart hurts over the murder Carlie Brucia....there is

sadness
anger
hatred
horrer
confusion
disbelief
distress
a desire to protect my children
Misunderstanding

I don't know if this family were believers, but I pray that God will use this as a time to reveal himself to them.

Peace
Comfort
Love
Assurance
Friendships
Trust

I am grateful beyond words for Godly women at work who desire to share their hearts. God spoke at just the right time as we were talking and the song "WORD OF GOD SPEAK" came on the radio.

You spoke
We listened
We heard your voice
You assured us of your presence
and reminded us that YOU are in control of our circumstances.
Even in circumstances that appear to be negative,
YOU have a plan and a purpose
THANK YOU for reminding me that you are always near and always at work!

My life is empty and filled with shame
They look at me and throw the blame.
If only they could feel my pain
Maybe then I'd feel some gain.
He came to me and said "I'm gone"
To leave me lost and so alone.
He didn't take material things
He even left our wedding rings.
The things he took weren't things to hold
They were friends and emotions now turned cold.
If it were MY fault I could understand,
But this was HIM, straight from his hand.
I thought my church was where I'd turn
Yet soon enough my fate I'd learn.
What happened to support and care
I needed most true love and prayer.
The place where love I thought I'd see
were now the ones rejecting me.
Perhaps I'll see that God is near
That He alone will dry my tears.


----Do we REALLY reach out to those in need?

I re-did my blogger...
screwed up comments...
Does anyone still read these?
Do the Comments work???
Just curious...
RSVP

My sister in law asked me today for a monologue or sketch to use with a group of teenage girls coming to her home on Friday. She wanted something along the lines of girls in struggles during their teen years, but realizing they can't hide from God. I didn't feel I had time to write a new piece for her, so I've decided to post a previous writing. I think my posting it here serves somewhat as a personal copyright of sorts. Oh well, here it is none the less.

Mirror, Mirror
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who will be the next to fall? Well, not me, I’m certain of that! Yeah right! That’s what I used to think. Who would have thought that I, so secure in myself, would ever be this low, this beyond hope. I thought I had kept all my fathers commands. I thought I would never forsake the teachings of my mother. I had been raised with these teachings bound to my heart and fastened around my neck. I walked them. I slept them. Those teachings were my light and my discipline.

So where did I go wrong, God? At what point did I become so detestable in your sight? How did my eyes for which I had always been known suddenly become haughty? Maybe it wasn’t sudden at all. No more sudden than the way my tongue was no longer an instrument for speaking love, but lies. Strange, huh? Eyes and lies. Seeing and speaking. What once would have been love and truth are now blind and silent.

I never wanted to become defiant and loud, persuasive and smooth, but my words became thick like honey. They appeared to be captivating and captive they were. They have taken me captive into a prison that leads to death.

I don’t want to hurt anymore. I don’t want to hurt others or myself. But I have created so many wicked schemes and rushed to such evil paths that I fear no one would ever believe that person no longer exists.

When I look into this mirror, God, could you make the reflection to not be mine? I don’t mean that I expect to see a new physical appearance. But, perhaps, as I look into this, maybe I would actually see you. Your kindness, your brightness, your cleanness. Your love, and most of all your forgiveness. OK, God here goes.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
Who will be the next to fall?
Humbly to MY knees I fall
Abandon all to hear your call
The apple of your eye to be
The truths of you I now must see
New Life I have in your commands
To follow you, my will demands.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
My reflection is growing small
Lord of all, in me stand tall
A love from you for all to see
The past is gone, they don’t see me
You’ve drawn me back from far away
I hear your call and now obey



Written by: Diane Barden, 2000

I wanted to reflect on this blog from Matt. I found it to be incredibly interesting and very much something to which I can relate. matt tullos: work in progress : Upsaid journal

Its been a rainy day here with potential of becoming icy. It has also been a very odd wintry rain. It has been hovering in the low 30's today, but oddly enough, this evening we were having thunder and lightening. It was like a summer storm...very strange. But it reminded me of something I read this morning in my quiet time (as short as it seems to have become - thanks to the new dog!).. Anyway, I read in Psalms about how God is the creator, the maker of the mountains, the designer of the desert, the originator of the ocean and most of all the very foundation to which all of my life is firmly planted.

www.daveramsey.com - Welcome to the NEW daveramsey.com!

TODAY, February 1, 2004

We embark on a new adventure in our life that we hope will turn us around! Tom and I began Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. I am so excited about the opportunity to release the bondage that is enslaving us financially. I also look forward to the opportunity to ultimately get on 'the same page' as Tom. If I were to die today, he'd never have a clue about our financial situation. I am looking forward to our working together to eliminate the horrible debt that we have.

Father God,
Help me to remember that you already own everything. Forgive me for being selfish and spending money that wasn't even mine for things that you may never have permitted me to have. Please help me from today forward to be aware that you are my provider and that you desire to get us out of debt. Help me be strong, even when my impulsive desires are trying to take over. Please help my children to realize that we are not trying to deprive them of good things but that we are determined to provide them with good things that are legitimately OURS.

You are Jehovah Jirah, My provider and I thank you for the blessings that will come our way for our feeble attempttt at obedience.