You are my gift
Hannah's story

What do you mean? Elkanah! How could you even ask me why I am crying? Have you not seen her or heard her? Penniah intentionally gloats and boasts herself. She is without question the rudest, most self centered woman in Epharim. Every year when we come to Shiloh, I have to prepare myself for what will happen. It never gets any easier! I approach the alter and everything appears fine, but when she sees that I have received twice as much as all the other family, she starts in. "Here you are girls. This is your meager part" She says to her daughters. "Don't let it bother you that daddy gives HER more. She only gets more because he feels so sorry for her! Poor Hannah! What a pity!. How disgraceful to think the Lord won't let her have children. I wonder what she did to make God so angry. Maybe it's not just what she's done to God, but what she DOESN'T do with her husband that makes HIM angry. HA! I'm just glad that I can take care of Elky!"

SO, you see, Elkanah, no matter how much you say I am supposed to feel loved, my heart still is so very sad. Yes, It's fine for you to head home. I must stay and pray a while.
Oh God, All I can do is lay here by the door and weep I can not bear the thought of leaving here knowing that in a year I will be return to face this all again. I will leave here today, but will still have to face her daily as she makes it her goal in life to torment me! Please God, I beg of you and plead to you to hear me. I have nothing to offer to you except for the very thing I ask of you. I would offer you the most precious and valuable possession I had to prove my gratitude. If you would, somehow, would you find favor in me? My son will be YOUR son. I will give him back to you without a hair on his head being touched. He will know from birth that he was my gift from Jehovah Jireh!

Eli, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you come in. Of course, I am not drunk! How could you think that. You know me better than that! I have been pouring out my heart and my soul to God and I believe that He has heard my prayer and that He will answer me in his mightiness. I will go in his peace, trusting in him alone.

O Samuel, Samuel. It breaks my heart to let you go. But I made a vow, a promise to the living God! You are my gift, my promise from God of his unending love for me. Even your name Shemuel means God has heard. Because I know that God has heard and I have answered, I also believe that God will take care of you. Who knows, maybe one day you will grow to be a king or a priest or even a judge, but whatever you become, I know you will be special for God. Take it from your mother. Don't ever give up on your dreams. Pour your heart out to God, give yourself completely to him and I know as you grow He will speak to you and call you out. Listen for Him! I know you aren't ready to hear or understand this now, because you are so young, but you have my promise that as your mother, I will come to see you each year here. When we bring our gifts to the temple, I will also bring you a gift. I gift!, Yes, perhaps a robe that will remind you that God's robe of righteousness and protection will always be with you.
I never imagined my dear son how difficult this would be. But just as much as I know my prayers have been answered, I believe that God will comfort me and bless me because I have obeyed. Perhaps God will bless me with more children as proof that obeying him is never done in vain. Now, my dear Samuel, I leave you with Eli, the priest. He will love you and care for you. He will teach you many things to grow you into a man of God. Always remember that I love you and that you are my gift.

Colossians 3:12-15



Clothe Yourself With
Love
Kindness
Love
Humility
Love
Gentleness
Love
Patience
Love
Tolerance and Understanding
Love
Forgiveness
Love

Let Love Bind you together in Unity.
Let Christ's Peace rule your heart
We are called to Peace

....Thank you for your recent resume submission. Our committee, however, has reviewed it and determined after much prayer, that you are not in consideration as a candidate....
Yada Yada blah blah...now what...This is the 2nd letter like this. I KNOW that God is at work, but subconsciously, OK, outright, there is a feeling of rejection in this. I am confident that God has something more in store....Maybe that's my new slogan....

SOMETHING MORE IN STORE!

Sometimes I feel so alone, so depressed...
Sad
Down
Lonely
I often feel as if I am an outcast or a redhaired stepchild....
Out of place
Unwelcomed
Left out
People I should trust and on whom I should rely seem so Distant...
Not close
Far away
out of touch
No contact
Is there really anyone I can trust?...
My Abba
Jehovah Jirah
Prince of Peace
This is my confidence...
His word
His character
His Faithfulness
Continue to remind me...
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
Day by day
Week
Month
Year
FOREVER

I know that you know this already, God, but it nearly sends me over the edge when I call home and I hear in response to "what are you doing?"..."Nothing, just watching TV right now". Do you know how badly I'd like to throw it in the trash? Yes, of course you know. I don't know what I'd like him to be doing, but I just think that if it were ME at home that I'd find something to do...Mop, paint a wall, clean the litter box, work in the yard...SOMETHING!! I'm sure I could leave a list, but why should I treat a 47 year old 'adult?' like a teenager. No wonder my kids have no initiative to clean. I don't understand, I don't know what to do or say. This alone adds just one more reason to my repetitive request for him to have a job. At least I could justify his 'lackidazial" attitude as 'relaxing from a hard days work' or 'a break from a busy week at the office'. Why am I going through this God, I'm ready to feel like I've learned whatever we're supposed to learn. I've tried to keep my head up high and not give in to frustration. I dare not ask for patience! I know how that works, but just give me strength to handle this.

CATITUDES

• Live in peace and rest in windowsills
• Allow the Sun to beam down on you and remind you of the warmth of life
• Listen to your owner when he calls and respond, there's usually a treat.
• Eat your food and drink your water and remember, a little goes a long ways
• Don't be afraid to dip into the dog's water, it all comes from the same place
• Remember that just because the toilet lid is up doesn't always make the tempation worthwhile
• and finally, just because you think you scratch and cover the evidence, the stink still remains
  It is only when the owner cleans it out that it becomes renewed and usable.
  

Today has turned into an absolutely incredibly beautiful day. The sky is bright blue and there's an awesome breeze in the trees. I rode with the top down earlier today and it seemed so refreshing. It was very easy to get a glimpse of fall in the air. Sometimes I get stressed as this time of the year rolls around. It is without question, my most favorite time of the year, but in the same sense, the most hectic, worrisome and just overall stress-filled. As I watch my cat laid back in the window sill, I am reminded that I should have that same relaxed at peace attitude about my life. I should remember that I am supposed to 'cast my cares on HIM (Jesus)', the one who is responsible for every area of my life, both the weak and the strong areas. I am supposed to rest my concerns and anxieties at his feet and remember that he specifically said " Don't be anxious about anything" Anything includes jobs, finances, Christmas, and even just the day to day routines that I often call RUTS. I pray that as this busy season approaches that I might have a 'cat-like' attitude. I think I will create something called "Catitudes".

Events from the last few days...
We've watched intently at Ivan...Lisa and family are OK...Bridge at I-10 near her house collapsed - but they are fine.

Ivan is in our neighborhood. I am praying that he stays far away from my house! Tom is at a Rehearsal Camp for the Singing Churchmen and I am NOT a fan of storms!

I had some minor surgery on my forearm today to remove a cyst. The arm was locally numbed, and I am just now beginning to get some feeling back. Hmmm not real comfy.

Steak and Survivor nite! Tonite is the first nite of our ritual - Steak and Survivor Thursday.

We have been invited to attend the Connections luncheon at church in a couple Sundays. This is something that is for all prospective members. We've attended before as staff. I would love to think that we would be invited because we are going to be a permanant part of this fellowship!

Make my wiildest dream come true!! WOW!! Oprah really cut loose this time! I am going to try to see what I can create for her to make my dreams come true!!

A new car
A new house
College tuition
Money in the Bank

Keep me from being envious, God, of the things that happen to other people. Help me to be happy for others and to trust that YOU are my complete source for everything. Remind me that happiness is not found in money, fame, careers. I need to rely on you as the one who will fullfill my wildest dream!!

An amazing comparative....
I realize that God is not the author of confusion. There is, however, something very interesting that I just saw on television. While channel surfing (which I normal detest), I was somewhat fascinated with a 'Televangelist' who welcomed lines and lines of people waiting to see him. These people would tell this man of their sicknesses, problems or ailments. This man would tell them exactly what they wanted to hear, which was a diagnosis of their condition as well as a promise that through him, God would take away this particular problem. After a fierce thrust of his hand on their forehead, they would fall backwards into the arms of two bodyguard type 'elders'. Looking more like 'hit-men', they helped the people back to their feet while they began to cry and testify of their renewed ability to see, hear or smell. After having been entertained enough, I surfed again and ended up at the National Geographic Channel where the same type of activity was happening. This time, however, the man being approached wasn't there in his coat and tie, but rather a small wrap around his waist. He didn't don television makeup, but paint that symbolized a family tribe. His face was stretched with a piece of bamboo or somesuch item that had recently been pierced from one jaw to the other. This procedure made him worthy to receive "THE SPIRIT" which could drive out the evil spirits. This voodoo practice was done under the belief of 'their faith' in the voodoo god. Through many of the same type gestures as I'd previously seen, I again watched fellow painted warriors lift their hands weeping and wailing. They would be touched by this Tribe leader and would fall to the ground and then get up again appearing to no longer have a problem.

I can not help but wonder....If we were asked by a non Christian as to the difference in these two people, would we really know a valid and legitimate answer?
Exodus 7:11 - "Pharoah then summoned wise men and sorcerers and the Egyptian magicians also did the same things by their secret arts."

We just returned from the SC Creative Music and Worship Extravaganza. It was a really neat opportunity to get to visit with some collegues and dear friends. I attended several different classes although there was nothing there that pertained to writing, I still attended some interesting things. Some of the friends I was able to see were:
Jim and Louanne Tippens
Mark Blankenship
Pepper Choplin
Dennis and Nan Allen
Jeremy Lucas

We had an awesome concert with Pepper. He is absolutely HILLARIOUS on his parody works about choirs/leaders etc. We also observed a couple of choirs perform some of Dennis and Nan's collections. One of the best things we saw was a musical called "SOMEBODY'S PRAYING FOR YOU". What a powerful, powerful work!! I also attended Jeremy's Interpretive Movement class. That, was proof for me that I have TWO LEFT FEET!! It was uncomfortable for me, but because the music was my favorite! "WHO AM I", by Casting Crowns.

I was also priviledged to obtain a copy of my book that Jim Tippens and ON THE EDGE PRODUCTIONS have compiled. It was the first time I had seen it, and must admit that I honestly had forgotten that I'd written some of them! AMAZING

I'm tired now and am going to bed to prepare for a good day tomorrow. I will also add this footnote. It was so encouraging to talk with so many friends, primarily Tom's Singing Churchmen friends. So many offered words of encouragement and promises to pray for us and our future ministry. THANK GOD for fellow ministry friends!

Take away my doubts and fears
Reveal yourself and fade my tears
Earthly visions aren't all true
I trust YOUR heart, believing you
Let me feel that you are near
See proof today, my prayers you hear
Help me know I need not doubt
Negative thoughts, I must throw out
I want to live inside your will
So take these fears to calm and still

Today is an anniversary...
An anniversary of what we thought was going to be traumatic! Exactly one year ago today, at 5:05, Tom was officially unemployed! I can assure you that this time last year, we had no idea of what God had in store for us! We have seen incredible miracles that I honestly believe would never had happened had this not happened to us. Over this year we have had the priviledge of participating in 40 Days of Purpose. We have had the priviledge of participating and seeing successful results through FINANCIAL PEACE UNIVERSITY. And most of all we have had the joy of sharing our ministry with an incredible church. As I have written so much in previous blogs, our prayer is that God will honor the desire of our hearts and let us stay here. But no matter what, we have learned above all, to TRUST GOD and to remember that HIS WAS ARE NOT OUR WAYS, that HE KNOWS THE DESIRES OF OUR HEARTS and that HE KNOWS THE PLANS HE HAS FOR US. I look forward to continuing to write about our journey and look forward to the future that God has in store for us.

I believe that God created all things.
All creatures great and small are from His hand.
I will however, admit that I really DO NOT like the idea that I just smashed a spider crawling on my arm...
THAT FREAKS ME OUT!
Time to call the pest control people!!

Today I feel a little childish....
Everyone...Sing along...


Rain Rain GO away
Come again another day
All the folks are wet enough
Rain Rain Go away!



Man, we've had enough of Frances here today to scare anyone named Noah!!

Rain
Flash Floods
Tornado Watch
Tornado Warning
Mud
Smelly dogs (of course after just having a bath yesterday)
Squeaky shoes
Wet seats in the car

Shall we sing the song again?!?!?

OK....So the update is that Tom is one of four being considered for the job! He said the meeting went well and that the questions were varied from everything regarding ethics to Convention Politics. I really think, at least from what he said, that things went well. In my heart, I have to feel that as they have seen him and grown to know and love him that there has GOT to be some advantage there. It seems that his answering of the questions even reflected that. What I mean is that some of the questions could have easily been answered in an "Expected Baptist" answer. But he answered them very honestly and from his heart, which I think was to his advantage. I think that any other applicant may be prone to answer in what they THINK should be the acceptable or appropriate answer and not necessarily honest. I'm pleased with what I've heard about the meeting and just pray that God will help them act quickly and move this process along. Again, to any who may read, please continue to pray for God's PERFECT WILL for us!

I am sitting here now trying to resist my gut feeling to call Tom on his cell phone. He has been meeting with the personnel committee from church in regards to their interest in him as full-time Minister of Music. Since Oct 2003, we have prayed that if God would see fit, that we could have this position. We fully believe that God has promised to meet the desire of our hearts and we are anxious to see if this may be in his plan. Our hearts are so bonded to this church and we pray for the opportunity to continue if God sees fit. I pray that if any of you read this blog, that you will pray for God to answer our prayer positively and that my next entry will reflect that.

God, as I start today, I ask that you would help me as I work and handle things there. I pray for the ability to stay on task and finish my projects. As I type that sentence, I am reminded of my conversation with Chase and Rachel last nite. Father, you know, he is so creative and so talented and I couldn't be more proud of having him as a son-in-law one day. But you know, his brain thinks so fast. It thinks of so many things he wants to do. He wants to earn money (for as he says to have 'the best of everything') no matter what he has to do to get it. He is probably the hardest working person I know, especially to be young, and a man! The problem, as I told him is that his mind thinks so fast that he doesn't stop to finish his projects. He starts one thinking this is going to be his 'ticket' and the moment another starts, he's ready to roll to the next project. I told him last night the thing that scared me was that He would get so headstrong, in such a whirlwind to accomplish, that he does so without even questioning what YOU want for him! I told him that I didn't want him to 'fall' because 'God in his loving way, wants to yank him back in place.' This is so easy to happen--ASK ME HOW I KNOW!! I realize God that you are a loving Father. I know you wouldn't intentionally do anything to devastate or hurt your children. But YOU are in control and just like a parent, you want to be the Daddy and not the child! Father, spare them as you can, but in the same aspect, do whatever you have to do to let him learn NOW, before they are married and have too much at stake. Let him learn NOW that you are only doing what is in his best interest! Help me to be a good example. Help him to listen to me as a friend, an experienced friend, not just a MOTHER-IN-LAW!

God is in control
He knows my heart and soul
I give today to Him and rest
Convinced that He alone knows best
Keep me clear on what is right
To trust that you will win my fight
So now, I pray, my doubts forget
In you alone, our life is set.

I am excited tonite to give an update on our ministry situation and to ask for your prayers especially on Sunday at about 3-5PM (EST). Our pastor took Tom aside tonite and said the committee wants to meet with him. We are praying that if this is God's will that we would be able to stay here. However, if it is not the right place God wants us, we just pray for clarity and assurance that God has something for us. If you read this, please offer up a prayer for us...

It's Wednesday
Hump day
middle of the week
choir day
the day before Thursday
and the day after Tuesday.

What will be the significance of today?
Will there be anything that will make today special or unusual?
Prepare me now for the things that lie ahead today.
Help me to see something of you today that will encourage me.